we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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