he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
