mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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