I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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