Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
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I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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