i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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