Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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