around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
