Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
