I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
