Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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