I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
