so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
