u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
