I love black thongs
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
