hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
