how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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