One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
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Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize