And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
