She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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