if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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