I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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