Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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