A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
