i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
