Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
