my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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