I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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