she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
