I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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