Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
