So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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