Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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