I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize