Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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