I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
