Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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