Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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