Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
