I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
