Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
