What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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