why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
