I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
