Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
