Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
