Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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