Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
