our cab driver is having phone sex.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
