When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
