at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
