I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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