coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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