break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
