i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
