yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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