I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
