My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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