So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
