did you get engaged???
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
