Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
