Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
