it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
