literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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