i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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