Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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