I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
