Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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