areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Floor bacon is actually really good
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
