1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
