The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
