And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
