can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
