not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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