I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
